We have many song sources. It's kind of overwhelming. I'm using this post to slowly disseminate new songs, or songs that are awesome but that we rarely sing because we don't know the words.
To see a whole bunch of song references, go here.
Some of the audio is there on the Source page with the words too.
Christopher Robin
Clutched in his hand are a bunch of white hairs.
Oh my just fancy that,
Christopher robin castrated the cat. [or the name of the hasher in circle]
Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed,
Lily-white hands are caressing his head,
Oh my, couldn't be worse,
Christopher Robin is shagging his nurse.
Little boy sits on the lavatory pan,
Gently caressing his little old man,
Flip flop into the tank,
Christopher Robin is having a wank.
Source: http://www.horntip.com/html/songs_sorted_by_name/christopher_robin.htm
The Motherfucker's Ball
Melody: http://www.horntip.com/mp3/fieldwork/horntip_collection/h/jack_horntip/2005-07-17/The%20Motherfucker's%20Ball.mp3Ohh there's going to be a ball
The motherfuckers' ball
The witches and the bitches
gonna be there all
Now honey don't be late
'cause we'll be passin out the pussy 'bout half past eight.
I got fucked in France
Fucked in Spain
I even got a little
on the coast of Maine --
but the best damn piece of all
was my goddam mother in law
last Saturday night
at the motherfucker's ball."
Mary Ann Barnes
Melody: http://www.horntip.com/mp3/fieldwork/horntip_collection/c/andy_c/Mary%20Anne%20Burns.mp3Mary Ann Barnes is the queen of all the acrobats;
she can do tricks that will give a man the shits.
She can shoot green peas from her fundamental orifice,
do a double somersault and catch 'em on her tits.
She's a great big fat shit, twice the size of me,
hair on her ass like the branches in a tree.
She can swim, fight, shoot, fuck,
climb a tree or drive a truck.
She's the kind of girl that's gonna marry me!
Source: http://www.horntip.com/html/songs_sorted_by_name/index.htm
The Alphabet (aka Anthony Roily)
[When we sing this feel free to make up your own verses for the various parts of the alphabet.]audio http://www.horntip.com/mp3/fieldwork/horntip_collection/r/j_r_(1)/Alphabet%20[Phi%20Beta%20Sigma%20Sigma-Bet].mp3
A is for Asshole all tattered and torn,
B is the Bastard that's never been born,
CHORUS:
Heigh Ho said Roily.
With a roily polly, up 'em and stuff 'em,
Heigh Ho said Anthony Roily.
C is for Cunt all dripping with piss,
D is the Drunkard who gave it a kiss.
E is for Eunuch with only one ball,
F is the Fucker with no balls at all.
G is for Gonorrhea, Goiter, and Gout,
H is the Harlot that spreads it about.
I is Injection for syphilis and itch,
J is the Jerk of a dog on a bitch.
K is for King who thought tucking a bore,
L is the Lesbian who came back for more.
M is for Maidenhead tattered and torn,
Nis the Noble who died with a horn.
O is for Orifice now gently revealed,
P is the Prick with the foreskin backpeeled.
Q is for the Quaker who shit in his hat,
R is the Roger who rogered the cat.
S is for Shitpot, all full to the brim,
T is the Turds that are floating within.
U is for Usher who taught us at school,
V is the Virgin who played with his tool.
W is for the Whore who made tucking a farce,
And X, Y, Z , you can stuff up your arse.
Source: http://www.horntip.com/html/songs_sorted_by_name/the_alphabet.htm
Assholes are Cheap Today
audio http://www.horntip.com/mp3/fieldwork/horntip_collection/h/david_h/11%20-%20Assholes%20Are%20Cheap%20Today%20[University%20Student%20Song].mp3Assholes are cheap today
Cheaper than yesterday
Small boys are half a crown [or the name of the hasher in circle]
Standing up or lying down
Bigger ones for bigger dicks [or the name of the hasher in circle]
Biggest ones for three-and-six
Get yours before their gone
Come now try one.
Come, come, come
Come, come, come,
Come, come, now try one
Source: http://www.horntip.com/html/songs_sorted_by_name/assholes_are_cheap_today.htm
My God How the Money Rolls In
My father makes book on the corner,
My mother makes illicit gin,
My sister sells kisses to sailors,
My God how the money rolls in.
Chorus: Rolls in, rolls in,
My God how the money rolls in, rolls in,
Rolls in, rolls in,
My God how the money rolls in.
My mother's a bawdy house keeper,
Each night when the evening grows dim,
She hangs out a little red lantern,
My God how the money rolls in.
My cousin's a Harley Street surgeon,
With instruments long, sharp, and thin,
He only does one operation,
My God how the money rolls in.
Uncle Joe is a registered plumber,
His business in holes and in tin,
He'll plug up your hole for a tenner,
My God how the money rolls in.
My brother's a slum missionary,
He saves fallen women from sin,
He'll save you a blonde for a dollar,
My God how the money rolls in.
My Grandad sells cheap prophylactics,
He punctures the teats with a pin,
For Grandma gets rich off abortions,
My God how the money rolls in.
My sister's a barmaid in Sydney,
For a shilling she'll strip to the skin,
She's stripping from morning till midnight,
My God how the money rolls in.
My aunt keeps a girl's seminary,
Teaching young girls to begin,
She doesn't say where they will finish,
My God how the money rolls in.
I've shares in the very best companies,
In tramways, tobacco, and tin,
And brothels in Rio de Janeiro,
My God how the money rolls in.
My brother Jim whittles out candles,
From wax that is exceptionally soft,
He says it will come in real handy,
If ever his business falls off.
In Mobile
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile, in Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high,
And they shit right in your eye,
It’s a good thing cows don't fly in Mobile.
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high,
And they shit right in your eye,
It’s a good thing cows don't fly in Mobile.
Chorus
In Mobile, in Mobile,
In-mo, in-mo, in-mo, in-Mobile,
[Repeat Verse]
In Mobile, in Mobile,
In-mo, in-mo, in-mo, in-Mobile,
[Repeat Verse]
Oh, the vicar is a bugger in Mobile...
And the curate is another,
And they bugger one another in Mobile.
And the curate is another,
And they bugger one another in Mobile.
Oh, there's a brand new lighthouse in Mobile...
Which the birds use for a shit-house,
Now the lighthouse is a white-house in Mobile.
Which the birds use for a shit-house,
Now the lighthouse is a white-house in Mobile.
There's a man by the name of Hunt in Mobile...
Who thought he had a cunt,
But his balls were back to front in Mobile.
Who thought he had a cunt,
But his balls were back to front in Mobile.
There's a man by the name of West in Mobile...
Who thought he had a breast,
But is balls were on his chest in Mobile.
Who thought he had a breast,
But is balls were on his chest in Mobile.
Oh, the girls they wear tin undies in Mobile...
And they take them off on Sundays,
You should see the boys on Mondays in Mobile.
And they take them off on Sundays,
You should see the boys on Mondays in Mobile.
There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile...
But there are keyholes in the doors,
And there are knotholes in the floors in Mobile.
But there are keyholes in the doors,
And there are knotholes in the floors in Mobile.
Oh, the parson is perverted in Mobile...
And his morals are inverted,
There's a thousand he's converted in Mobile.
And his morals are inverted,
There's a thousand he's converted in Mobile.
There's a bastard named Mercator in Mobile...
Who's the greatest masturbator,
Fornicator, cunt-inflator in Mobile.
Who's the greatest masturbator,
Fornicator, cunt-inflator in Mobile.
The Scotsman's Kilt
Melody: http://www.horntip.com/mp3/fieldwork/horntip_collection/s/shut_yer_manhole_aka_little_head/The%20Drunken%20Scotsman's%20Kilt%20[Talks%20About%20Extra%20Verse].mp3Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair.
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round 'till he could no longer keep his feet.
And stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
About that time two young and lovely girls happened by.
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye.
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built.
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as can be.
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt.
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
They marvelled for a moment and one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow.
Around the bonnie star the Scott's kilt did lift and show.
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes. "
Ah, lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize."
Source: http://www.bfhhh.org/songs/scotsman.txt
Large Balls
Chorus:
For they were large balls, large balls,
Balls as heavy as lead.
With a dexterous twist of his muscular wrist,
He could flick them right over his head.
(Be-doom, be-doom, be-doom, be-doom boom boom)
Now, there once was a man called Anthony Clair
He was a very fine jugulaire,
There wasn't a man who could compare
With the way he fiddled and played with his balls.
Now, Anthony was walking down the street,
Just by chance he happened to meet,
A pretty young maid with a dog at her feet,
Watching him fiddle and play with his balls.
Now, Anthony swung 'em round and round,
Let 'em go with a hell of a bound,
Right on the head of the faithful hound,
Watching him play with his balls.
Now, the maiden, she was overwrought,
Swore she'd take the case to court,
For in her opinion no man ought
To be twisting and playing with his balls.
They took him to a magistrate,
Who put him in a cell in state,
And left him there to meditate,
And fiddle and play with his balls.
And when they took the case to court,
The lawyer of the lady sought,
To prove that Anthony shouldn't ought,
To fiddle and play with his balls.
The jury said, "It's a bloody disgrace,
Exposing yourself in a public place,
Whacking your tool in a lady's face,
Twisting and playing with your balls."
The judge and jury couldn't agree,
And the judge said, "It's plain to see,
And really and truly I cannot see,
Why a man shouldn't play with his balls."
Then Anthony gave the crowd a shock,
Bold as brass he left the dock,
Swinging his balls around his cock,
Twisting and playing with his balls.
And this is the moral of this song,
If you play with your balls, you can't go wrong,
So bang your cock against the gong,
And fiddle and play with your balls.
Source: http://www.richmondhash.com/hymnal/
Singing: Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall,
If you've never been laid on Saturday night,
You've never been laid at all.
The ball, the ball, the ball, the ball
The ball of Kirriemuir
There were four and twenty prostitutes
Lying on the floor
Four and twenty virgins,
Came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.
The elders of the kirk arrived
And were surprised to see
Four-and-twenty maidenheads
Hanging from a tree
Four and twenty whores,
Came up from Glockamore,
And when the ball was over
They were all of them double bore.
The village plumber he was there,
He felt an awful fool,
He'd come eleven leagues or more
And forgot to bring his tool.
There was fucking in the hallways,
And fucking in the ricks,
You couldn't hear the music
For the swishing of the pricks.
They were fucking in the Barley.
They were fucking in the oats.
Some were fucking sheep,
but most were fucking goats.
There was fucking in the kitchen,
And fucking in the halls,
You couldn't hear the music for
The clanging of the balls.
There was fucking in the parlor,
And fucking on the stairs,
You couldn't see the carpet
For the mass of public hairs.
I put my head upon her lap,
and she put hers in mine.
We sucked a bit and blowed a bit
and that's called sixty-nine.
The parson's daughter she was there,
The cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass
And thistle up her cunt.
The village whore she was there,
Doing a really good stunt
Stuck to the ceiling
By the suction of her cunt.
The village idiot he was there
Sitting on a pole
Pulled his foreskin over his head
And whistled though the hole.
The mayors wife she was there
Lying on the floor
Every time she spread he legs
The suction closed the door
Grandma and Grandpa they were there
Sitting by the fire
Knitting prophylactics
Out of old rubber tires.
The village postman he was there
He had a case of the pox
Couldn't fuck the women
So he fucked a letter box.
Little Tommy he was there
He was only eight
Couldn't fuck the women
So he had to masturbate.
The blacksmith's brother he was there
A mighty stud was he
Lined 'em up against the wall
And fucked 'em three-by-three.
The village hooker she was there
Feeling mighty fine
Lined 'em up against the wall
And fucked 'em nine-by-nine.
The village rugger he was there
the mightiest of men
Lined 'em up against the wall
And fucked em ten-by-ten.
The village magician he was there
Up to his favorite trick
Pulling his asshole over his head
And standing on his prick.
Father O'Flanagan he was there
And in the corner sat
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And catching it in his hat.
Dino had an even stroke
His skill was much admired
He gratified one cunt at a time
Until his skill expired.
Jock McVennig he was there
A looking for a fuck
But every cunt was occupied
And he was out of luck.
Michael Lee when he got the there
His prick was long and high
But when he fucked her forty times
He was fucking mighty dry.
McTavish, oh yes, he was there
His prick was long and broad
And when he fucked the furriers wife
She had to be rebored.
The village dogcatcher
Proved he was no slouch
Went out and caught the neighbors dog
And fucked it on the couch.
The village gynecologist he was there
On a beaver hunt
Pulled down all the women's pants
And probed through all their cunts.
The village dunce he was there
All alone he stands
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And using both his hands.
The village idiot he was there,
Up to this and that,
Amusing himself by abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
The bride was in the kitchen
Explaining to the groom,
The vagina not the rectum
Is the entrance to the womb.
The village magician he was there,
Up to his favorite trick,
Pulling his foreskin over his head,
And disappearing up his prick.
The village giant he was there,
A mighty man was he,
He lined them up against the wall
And fucked them three by three.
The vicar and his wife were there,
Having lots of fun,
The parson had his finger
Up another lady's bun.
The village doctor he was there,
He had his bag of tricks,
And in between the dances
He was sterilizing pricks.
Father O'Flanagan he was there,
And in the corner he sat,
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And catching it in his had.
There was fucking on the couches,
There was fucking on the cots,
And lying up against the wall
Were rows of grinning twats.
Giles he played a dirty trick,
We cannot let it pass,
He showed a lass his mighty prick
Then shoved it up her ass.
Mrs. O'Maley she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
A jumping off the mantelpiece
And bouncing off her tits.
Jackie Stewart did his fucking,
Right upon the moor,
It was, he thought, much better
Than fucking on the floor.
Jock McDougall he was there,
A looking for a fuck,
But every quim was occupied
And he was out of luck.
The huntsman's daughter she was there,
Tired from the hunt,
A wreath of roses around her ass
And a carrot up her cunt.
The chimney sweep he was there,
They had to throw him out,
For every time he passed some wind
The room was filled with soot.
The village economist he was there,
His prick held in his hand,
Waiting for the moment when
Supply would meet demand.
The village blacksmith he was there,
Sitting by the fire,
Doing abortions by the score
With a piece of red hot wire.
The village postman he was there,
The poor man had the pox,
He couldn't fuck the lasses
So he fucked the letter box.
The blacksmith's father he was there,
A roaring like a lion,
He'd cut his cock off in the forge
So he used his rod of iron.
Dino had an even stroke,
His skill was much admired,
He fucked away half the night
Until his cock expired.
The village butcher he was there,
Cleaver in his hand,
Every time he turned around
He circumcised the band.
The village virgin she was there,
All dressed in frilly pink,
She took the boys behind the fence
And made their fingers stink.
Willy Roberts he arrived,
His prick was all alert,
But when the night was done
"Twas dangling in the dirt."
Now little Willy he was there,
But he was only eight,
He couldn't catch a harlot
So he had to masturbate.
The village veteran he was there,
His balls were made of brass,
And when he blew a fart, my lads,
The sparks flew out his ass.
Little Jimmy he was there,
The leader of the choir,
He hit the balls of all the boys
To make their voices higher.
The village leper he was there,
Sitting on a log,
Peeling foreskin off his cock
And feeding it to his dog.
Another blacksmith he was there,
Tending to his fires,
Making prophylactics
Out of motorcycle tires.
The village builder he was there,
He brought his bag of tricks,
He poured cement in all the holes
And blunted all the pricks.
The village cripple he was there,
He wasn't very much,
Took the girls behind the house
And fucked them with his crutch.
Wee MacGregor he was there,
His pint of beer he'd split,
It mingled with the semen
That was trickling down his kilt.
The mayor's daughter she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
Sliding down the bannister
And bouncing on her tits.
The village stable boy he was there,
The bastard was quite coarse,
We caught him in the stable
With his cock inside a horse.
The village parson he was there,
All dressed up in his shroud,
Swinging on the chandalier
Pissing on the crowd.
And when the ball was over,
What a sight to see,
Four and twenty maidenheads
A hanging from a tree.
And when the ball was over,
Everyone did confess,
They all enjoyed the dancing
But the fucking was the best.
Mrs. O'Leary she was there,
Swingin' from the chandelier,
Spilling her menstrual juices
Into everybody's beer.
The village cook he was there,
The bastard was quite crude,
They caught him in the kitchen
Masturbating in the food.
The Jersey girl was standin' there,
Her but against the wall,
"Put your money on the table boys,
I'm goin' to do youse all!"
The parson's wife she was there,
And she was worst of all,
Pulled her skirt above her head
And shouted, "fuck it all."
The vicar's wife she was there,
Sitting by the fire,
Knitting contraceptives
Out of india rubber tires.
Sergeant Murphy he was there,
The pride of the Force,
They caught him behind the barn
Jacking off a horse.
The village whore, she was there
Sitting on the floor,
Every time she spread her legs,
The vacuum shut the door
And when the ball was over,
All the guests confessed,
The music was the finest
But the fucking was the best.
And so the ball was over,
All went home to rest,
The music had been exquisite
Still the fucking was the best.
And finally there was the Johnnie Rugger
He seemed like quite a stud.
But when it came to fucking
His pecker was a dud.
First lady over,
Second lady front,
Third ladies finger
up the fourth ladies cunt.
Well, McPhearson's band, they were there,
A dishin' oot the licks,
You cood na' hear a bloody thin'
for the swishin' o' the pricks.
Best Man in the corner,
Instructin' to the Groom,
"The vagina, not the rectum son,
Is the entrance to the womb."
The village whore she was there,
A cunning little runt,
With herpes sores and the clap on tap,
She was na' mer' than a running cunt.
Inverness/Ball of Kirriemuir
Ass against the wall,
If you've never been laid on Saturday night,
You've never been laid at all.
The ball, the ball, the ball, the ball
The ball of Kirriemuir
There were four and twenty prostitutes
Lying on the floor
Four and twenty virgins,
Came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.
The elders of the kirk arrived
And were surprised to see
Four-and-twenty maidenheads
Hanging from a tree
Four and twenty whores,
Came up from Glockamore,
And when the ball was over
They were all of them double bore.
The village plumber he was there,
He felt an awful fool,
He'd come eleven leagues or more
And forgot to bring his tool.
There was fucking in the hallways,
And fucking in the ricks,
You couldn't hear the music
For the swishing of the pricks.
They were fucking in the Barley.
They were fucking in the oats.
Some were fucking sheep,
but most were fucking goats.
There was fucking in the kitchen,
And fucking in the halls,
You couldn't hear the music for
The clanging of the balls.
There was fucking in the parlor,
And fucking on the stairs,
You couldn't see the carpet
For the mass of public hairs.
I put my head upon her lap,
and she put hers in mine.
We sucked a bit and blowed a bit
and that's called sixty-nine.
The parson's daughter she was there,
The cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass
And thistle up her cunt.
The village whore she was there,
Doing a really good stunt
Stuck to the ceiling
By the suction of her cunt.
The village idiot he was there
Sitting on a pole
Pulled his foreskin over his head
And whistled though the hole.
The mayors wife she was there
Lying on the floor
Every time she spread he legs
The suction closed the door
Grandma and Grandpa they were there
Sitting by the fire
Knitting prophylactics
Out of old rubber tires.
The village postman he was there
He had a case of the pox
Couldn't fuck the women
So he fucked a letter box.
Little Tommy he was there
He was only eight
Couldn't fuck the women
So he had to masturbate.
The blacksmith's brother he was there
A mighty stud was he
Lined 'em up against the wall
And fucked 'em three-by-three.
The village hooker she was there
Feeling mighty fine
Lined 'em up against the wall
And fucked 'em nine-by-nine.
The village rugger he was there
the mightiest of men
Lined 'em up against the wall
And fucked em ten-by-ten.
The village magician he was there
Up to his favorite trick
Pulling his asshole over his head
And standing on his prick.
Father O'Flanagan he was there
And in the corner sat
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And catching it in his hat.
Dino had an even stroke
His skill was much admired
He gratified one cunt at a time
Until his skill expired.
Jock McVennig he was there
A looking for a fuck
But every cunt was occupied
And he was out of luck.
Michael Lee when he got the there
His prick was long and high
But when he fucked her forty times
He was fucking mighty dry.
McTavish, oh yes, he was there
His prick was long and broad
And when he fucked the furriers wife
She had to be rebored.
The village dogcatcher
Proved he was no slouch
Went out and caught the neighbors dog
And fucked it on the couch.
The village gynecologist he was there
On a beaver hunt
Pulled down all the women's pants
And probed through all their cunts.
The village dunce he was there
All alone he stands
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And using both his hands.
The village idiot he was there,
Up to this and that,
Amusing himself by abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
The bride was in the kitchen
Explaining to the groom,
The vagina not the rectum
Is the entrance to the womb.
The village magician he was there,
Up to his favorite trick,
Pulling his foreskin over his head,
And disappearing up his prick.
The village giant he was there,
A mighty man was he,
He lined them up against the wall
And fucked them three by three.
The vicar and his wife were there,
Having lots of fun,
The parson had his finger
Up another lady's bun.
The village doctor he was there,
He had his bag of tricks,
And in between the dances
He was sterilizing pricks.
Father O'Flanagan he was there,
And in the corner he sat,
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And catching it in his had.
There was fucking on the couches,
There was fucking on the cots,
And lying up against the wall
Were rows of grinning twats.
Giles he played a dirty trick,
We cannot let it pass,
He showed a lass his mighty prick
Then shoved it up her ass.
Mrs. O'Maley she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
A jumping off the mantelpiece
And bouncing off her tits.
Jackie Stewart did his fucking,
Right upon the moor,
It was, he thought, much better
Than fucking on the floor.
Jock McDougall he was there,
A looking for a fuck,
But every quim was occupied
And he was out of luck.
The huntsman's daughter she was there,
Tired from the hunt,
A wreath of roses around her ass
And a carrot up her cunt.
The chimney sweep he was there,
They had to throw him out,
For every time he passed some wind
The room was filled with soot.
The village economist he was there,
His prick held in his hand,
Waiting for the moment when
Supply would meet demand.
The village blacksmith he was there,
Sitting by the fire,
Doing abortions by the score
With a piece of red hot wire.
The village postman he was there,
The poor man had the pox,
He couldn't fuck the lasses
So he fucked the letter box.
The blacksmith's father he was there,
A roaring like a lion,
He'd cut his cock off in the forge
So he used his rod of iron.
Dino had an even stroke,
His skill was much admired,
He fucked away half the night
Until his cock expired.
The village butcher he was there,
Cleaver in his hand,
Every time he turned around
He circumcised the band.
The village virgin she was there,
All dressed in frilly pink,
She took the boys behind the fence
And made their fingers stink.
Willy Roberts he arrived,
His prick was all alert,
But when the night was done
"Twas dangling in the dirt."
Now little Willy he was there,
But he was only eight,
He couldn't catch a harlot
So he had to masturbate.
The village veteran he was there,
His balls were made of brass,
And when he blew a fart, my lads,
The sparks flew out his ass.
Little Jimmy he was there,
The leader of the choir,
He hit the balls of all the boys
To make their voices higher.
The village leper he was there,
Sitting on a log,
Peeling foreskin off his cock
And feeding it to his dog.
Another blacksmith he was there,
Tending to his fires,
Making prophylactics
Out of motorcycle tires.
The village builder he was there,
He brought his bag of tricks,
He poured cement in all the holes
And blunted all the pricks.
The village cripple he was there,
He wasn't very much,
Took the girls behind the house
And fucked them with his crutch.
Wee MacGregor he was there,
His pint of beer he'd split,
It mingled with the semen
That was trickling down his kilt.
The mayor's daughter she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
Sliding down the bannister
And bouncing on her tits.
The village stable boy he was there,
The bastard was quite coarse,
We caught him in the stable
With his cock inside a horse.
The village parson he was there,
All dressed up in his shroud,
Swinging on the chandalier
Pissing on the crowd.
And when the ball was over,
What a sight to see,
Four and twenty maidenheads
A hanging from a tree.
And when the ball was over,
Everyone did confess,
They all enjoyed the dancing
But the fucking was the best.
Mrs. O'Leary she was there,
Swingin' from the chandelier,
Spilling her menstrual juices
Into everybody's beer.
The village cook he was there,
The bastard was quite crude,
They caught him in the kitchen
Masturbating in the food.
The Jersey girl was standin' there,
Her but against the wall,
"Put your money on the table boys,
I'm goin' to do youse all!"
The parson's wife she was there,
And she was worst of all,
Pulled her skirt above her head
And shouted, "fuck it all."
The vicar's wife she was there,
Sitting by the fire,
Knitting contraceptives
Out of india rubber tires.
Sergeant Murphy he was there,
The pride of the Force,
They caught him behind the barn
Jacking off a horse.
The village whore, she was there
Sitting on the floor,
Every time she spread her legs,
The vacuum shut the door
And when the ball was over,
All the guests confessed,
The music was the finest
But the fucking was the best.
And so the ball was over,
All went home to rest,
The music had been exquisite
Still the fucking was the best.
And finally there was the Johnnie Rugger
He seemed like quite a stud.
But when it came to fucking
His pecker was a dud.
First lady over,
Second lady front,
Third ladies finger
up the fourth ladies cunt.
Well, McPhearson's band, they were there,
A dishin' oot the licks,
You cood na' hear a bloody thin'
for the swishin' o' the pricks.
Best Man in the corner,
Instructin' to the Groom,
"The vagina, not the rectum son,
Is the entrance to the womb."
The village whore she was there,
A cunning little runt,
With herpes sores and the clap on tap,
She was na' mer' than a running cunt.
Mrs. O'Malley she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
A?jumping off the mantelpiece,
And landing on her tits.
She had the crowd in fits,
A?jumping off the mantelpiece,
And landing on her tits.
The minister's wife was at the ball,
A?sitting in the front,
A wreath of flowers 'round her ass,
A carrot up her cunt.
A?sitting in the front,
A wreath of flowers 'round her ass,
A carrot up her cunt.
Father O'Flannigan he was there,
And in the corner he sat,
Amusing himself BY abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
And in the corner he sat,
Amusing himself BY abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
The Parson's daughter she was there,
The cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass,
And thistle up her cunt.
The cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass,
And thistle up her cunt.
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